Friday, March 05, 2010

My pride is bruised

And it's really hard for me to even say this here.

Yesterday, I called our state's Early Childhood Intervention Services for Jackson.

I've written before about his developmental issues. Being the laid back parent that I am, I was pretty willing to take things in stride.

Recent events have led me to this place. And to be honest, I'm still not sure I'm doing the right thing.

 I am glad I was bold enough to do something. I am glad I'm not one of those parents who sadly stays defensive and in denial about their child no matter how obvious the issues (I know several...and both parent and child suffer in situations like that, even if they don't realize it).

Still, I'm embarrassed that Jackson needs extra help. I feel like I've failed him in some way. And honestly, I can understand why some parents do choose to live in denial.
Who wants to admit their child is not perfect?

At the same time I'm relieved. Maybe these people can help me. 

Maybe all these issues he's having with not talking and extreme willfulness will improve now.

The hardest thing about parenting for me has been wanting to consistently give Jackson my best everyday. Trouble is, sometimes I'm not sure what my best is, or what's best for him.

No one loves Jackson as much as I do and I'm so defeated thinking that my love isn't enough to make him talk more, or walk sooner, or listen better.

Which is dumb, but these are the kind of things I'm thinking about.

Is it wrong for me to just want all these issues to just go away?


Posted by Haley
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17 comments:

  1. Wow, it takes a lot of courage to face something difficult. I hear you about not always knowing what your best is or what's best for your little one. I wonder everyday about that. I can also feel for you in not being able to do it on your own. But, aren't you glad that there are resources and experts that can teach you what's best. So often we assume parenting is a inherent skill, but really it takes a lot of practice and learning to understand our little ones and what's best for them.

    I wish you the best of luck on this journey. Here's to a brighter outlook :)
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  2. Dont be defensive, and don't be ashamed. We had to get the county involved when it became obvious my middle son wasn't quite up to the prospect of kindergarten.

    Diagnosis: Autism

    But it doesn't change WHO he is, what it does change is that we know that other than the obvious genetic minefield he got from me, (my wife is perfect after all. ;-) he's still the kid we love.

    Your child is perfect - he's exactly who he's supposed to be. :)
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  3. First of all - BIG GIANT HUGS! We love you guys so much and although I don't know exactly whats going on, you know we've been down this road, sort of, with Jake. Hang in there! You know what's right for your family!
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  4. Haley, I noticed a distinct lack of sounds/speech from my son early on and at the recommendation of our Pediatrician called Early Intervention after his 18 month well check. We ultimately figured out that his delay was related to his hearing. He had tubes placed and is in speech therapy. Because he is approaching three we just had a meeting to go over his IEP, and I won't lie, hearing a professional say "special ed" and knowing they are talking about my son still kills me.

    Just always remember, you are your child's best, most important (and sometimes only) advocate. If you don't agree with something they are saying or doing or you disagree with their accessment of your son, speak up.
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  5. Oh honey. That's a hard call to make, but if he DOES need services and gets them? I promise you you'll want to come back in time and thank yourself on bended knee...and now I'm off to peruse your archives and see what led you to this because we may have a LOT to talk about at BlogHer!
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  6. Are you wrong for wanting the problems to go away? Nope! And guess what? You just took the first step in getting them to go away by seeking help. You are an excellent mother. Waiting until now was not a bad thing. You were giving your son time. Kids reach milestones at different ages, and it isn't always a sign of a problem if they are delayed. Once it becomes a problem (big or little), you seek help, which is exactly what you have done. You rock! Your son rocks! And he will thank you someday. :-)
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  7. Haley, first off- BIG HUGS. Secondly, my middle child Sam who just turned 4 last week, was diagnosed with speech delay (not sure what's going on with Jackson). I had him tested at our elementary and yes, it was a little scary with the whole full evaluation and the IEP and the meetings with multiple people and the signing of paperwork so that he could attend a "special" class for kids with articulation problems. BUT, it was the absolute best thing I could have done for him. He has been going to speech school since November and there has been a marked improvement in his speech. He goes 2 days a week, 2 hours each day. I am so so so happy that he is making improvements. I would rather him get the help he needs NOW than to wait until it's much more difficult. Hugs hugs hugs, you are doing Jackson a favor. MWAH!
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  8. My 4 year old didn't walk until after he turned 18 months old. We had started talking to the Early Childhood Intervention people because our doctor recommended we do. His talking was never really a problem, although he does has some problems with a few letters. I think that in time, and maybe after some speech classes, he will be fine.

    My point is, I don't think he walked because he knew we would pick him up eventually, so there wasn't a need in his mind. Maybe because Jackson can communicate through signing, he doesn't see that immediate need to talk yet. Either way, I'm sure the Early Childhood Intervention Services will be helpful for you.

    Don't be so hard on yourself, you're doing the right thing!
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  9. Haley, I totally get it. It can be so scary and hard, but all of mothering is. So all you can do is put one foot in front of the other toward helping him, and you remember to take care of yourself. I really think you'll move past the point of feeling like your pride is bruised (totally normal, yes) and you'll be so glad you're getting help.
    Hang in there, Mama.
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  10. As parents , we don't have to do it all by ourselves! We don't hesitate to take our children to the doctor or dentist. It shouldn't give us any pause to take them wherever we need to so they get the help they need. And perhaps we can get help and information there, too. You're doing the best you can for your child, and that is what matters.
    Hugs,
    Nancy
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  11. Don't be ashamed in wanting the best for your child. You are Jackson's best advocate.

    This may help. My oldest was 2 when he first started with speech therapy. It didn't help at all so we decided to take a break. By 3 we had him back in speech therapy with some progress, but nothing spectacular.

    When it came to choosing preschools we could either go with a normal program with 20 other kids in the classroom or we could go with special education with 6 other class mates and speech therapy every day. It was such a hard decision, but after testing (with an unknown status) we decided to go with the special education.

    My mother in law constantly berates us for that decision. My husband had some of the very same speech issues as Anthony and instead of sending him to school she held him back. He ended up just fine without the social stigma of being special education.

    The first week of preschool was hard. It is gut wrenching just trying to make the right guess as what your child REALLY might need. In Anthony's case he went from only saying 300 so words and stringing along 2-3 word sentences to being able to ask questions and answer. Describe things. Begin conversations. The amount of success he has accomplished overwhelms me. I do credit it to the FANTASTIC Early education that he receives!

    Part of the program is
    * Positive Behavioral Support Services
    * Day Treatment Programs for students with emotional impairment
    * Psychological evaluations
    * School social work services
    * Professional/para-educator staff development
    * Teachers of homebound and hospitalized
    * Consultants for students with autism spectrum disorder, cognitive impairment, emotional impairment, hearing impairment, health impairments, physical impairments and vision impairment.
    * Parent education
    * Occupational therapy
    * Physical therapy
    * Orientation and mobility services
    * Behavior support services

    Each child has a detail oriented program that fits just their needs. The teacher has the time to work with that student on what he needs. For Anthony he receives the speech therapy and I go in every 2 weeks for parent education for the program.

    It was the right decision for us.

    So what this long ramble means is that you need to do what you feel is right. Don't be ashamed. Take advantage of the early services. It is a good thing!

    -Alita
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  12. I am following your blog now...have a great weekend...
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  13. HUGS! Never feel ashamed for getting or needing help!I wish you the best in this new learning journey. :)
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  14. Your son is not perfect because he is human like the rest of us :)--everybody struggles--hopefully, this is the worst he'll have to face in life! If he needs help you are one strong mama to get it for him and if it turns out he doesn't need help, well, at least you cared enough to find out! Best wishes for him and for you on your journey to baby #2.
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  15. I just realized that after I leave my comment it asks for word verification and I was clicking away, thus my comment not posting!!

    So, it's totally normal to wish it all away, and it's normal for you to just get by and it will all work out. I feel the same way lots of times, but you have to remember he's SO LITTLE and at least you're catching up now, not until it's too late.

    Steph
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  16. I'm a speech therapist and a mom. I often forget how difficult it can be for parents to accept and reach out for help for their children.

    Early education can do wonders. Special education is not so much of a stigma during elementary school. My students often ask if their friends can come to therapy. So many children have had speech therapy as some point in their lives (it's very common).

    Remember that parents are the ones who deal with their children on a daily basis and know them the best. Be an advocate for your son, and if something doesn't feel right tell the "experts" how you feel. Just because they work with children all the time doesn't mean they know your child.

    If you have any questions about speech therapy or early childhood special education, just send me a message (lisaorlandon at yahoo dot com) and I'll try to help. Good luck and don't feel ashamed for doing what's best for your son.
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  17. I can only imagine how you must feel as a parent....but from an educator's standpoint, I am glad you looked into your options. Of course it is hard to admit that your child may have a "problem" but imagine how horrible it would be if all the parents DIDN'T own up and do something about it? Imagine what John and Shelby would be like if they had stayed with Brandon and Charlotte instead of being with responsible parents like Glynda and Don? It is SO OBVIOUS every day how much you love Jackson, and by taking any steps you can to help him out you are just proving your love more and more. I see parents every day who are in such deep denial about the issues their kids have...they deny that their kids stutter when they can't even spit out a sentence without repeating the same word or phrase 15 times, they swear up and down that they don't have attention issues at home, etc, etc, etc. You can only imagine what a negative effect that type of parenting has on a kid. "Special ed" is not a stigma - in fact, Gifted Education falls under the same umbrella, so if a kid is labeled GT they are also labeled Sp. Ed. There are so many resources out there to help kids, so I am glad to see that you are looking into your options. Jackson is already perfect, but he can only get "perfecter!"
    Love you and miss you! Call me if you need anything!
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Thanks for sharing! I'm so glad you took the time to stop by today and leave your thoughts. I try to respond to everyone personally, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Haley

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