A letter to Jackson at 2.5

Jackson,

I realized today that it was this same time last year when you had just learned to walk. On St. Patrick's Day 2009 you finally stepped away from the table (you had crept alongside it for months) and decided to walk across the room.

And just like that you were walking. After I had worried and stewed for months over the fact that you preferred to crawl.

Some point shortly there after, I relaxed as a parent...because your walking came along eventually (even if it did choose to arrive fashionably late to the party).

So now, a year later I feel concerned about another milestone you are supposedly "behind" on.

You don't have very many words in your vocabulary right now....in fact the only one you say really well is "Bye" when you are waving. Sometimes you also say "mama" when you are crying, but this doesn't happen a lot. You have your own made up language that you "speak" with constantly. I love it...my favorite thing you say a lot is "bosh a bosh".

Several people, including your grandmas, are very concerned at how behind you are. So I've called in people to help, even though I'm not sure it's really needed, because I would hate it if I looked back and did nothing to try and make things better for you.

This week we had to go to the doctor to get your ears checked. The first thing the development therapist suggested to me was that your speech might be delayed because of hearing issues.

You do not like it when doctors touch you. When they came in to do a hearing screen and had to stick a machine in your ear you were not happy.

They couldn't get a good reading because your screams were throwing the machine off.

And all the while my heart was breaking because I had to hold you down so they could do this test (that ended up being good for nothing).

I hated every moment of it, because in the very back of my mind I kept thinking...maybe he'll just talk when he's ready. What if this is all for nothing?

So, I just wanted to write you this letter and let you know that I love you.

I believe in you, and I think you just like to do things on your own time.

But as your mother I'm faced with hard decisions about how to care for you daily, and getting these tests and evaluations done was one of those decisions.

I'm sorry that I had to hold you down while you cried and they poked things into your ears. I bet that was pretty scary. I told the nurse to stop after a couple of minutes because it was obvious you weren't going to calm down. I told them that if they needed a complete hearing screen that they would have to do it while you were under anesthesia...because there was no need to get you so frantic.

I am, and will always be your number one advocate. Please know this.

Even when things like the bad hearing test happen, know that I want only the very best for you.

You're my J Little, and I'll go to the ends of the earth to make sure you have everything you need.

Love, Mommy